struggle

Every noise I make
escapes from strangled vocal chords
I want to scream but i'm holding it back
All that escapes is a soft,
"I'm fine."
I peak over my shoulder to see if someones watching
I'm sitting in my living room
Guilt wracks my bones.
Guilt for what?
Shame shakes my foundation.
Shame of what?
But above all, uncertainty
I'm walking on eggshells in my own mind
Every step I take I falter and take 2 steps back
Everything seems like a mountain to climb
Perspiration drips from my forehead
laced with sorrow and disgust
Obligation crawl up my spine
as if from the very core of the earth
dragging me down through the concrete
like quicksand
it fills my mouth
I try to vomit-purge it out
but it's already turned to cement
and the bile just builds in my throat
choking me
slowly but surely
stuck in the concrete
choking on my own vomit
trying to scream
eyes wide with the intent to scream
but no one can hear. No one will hear.